The Race Card

by Patrick on July 14, 2008

My friend, co-worker, and fellow Asian Kristen wrote an interesting post over on my company’s blog. The post referenced how subsidized group trips to Taiwan are just one of the many lengths people are going to in an effort to combat the rise in inter-racial dating amongst Asians. Besides the decline in Asians marrying one another, there is also a growing disconnect in heritage and ancestry.

As a first generation Vietnamese-American I have a few thoughts on the topic. First off my racial identity has always been something I’ve thought (and often joked) about. My New England upbringing wasn’t like many other Asian Americans I’ve met. I grew up learning English as my primary language and the while the culture was there; it was never really forced upon me. I was put into school where I was often the only Asian in class. I was surrounded by white people and their habits rubbed off on me. Not until I got into High School did I really see how other Asians interacted. I noticed that they all stuck together, their circles were made up of fellow Asians with an occasional token white person. I was the opposite- I surround my circles with others and I would become the token person. I didn’t see myself any different than the friends I chose to have.

Secondly, I did the stereotypical Asian things sometimes: I played the violin up until Senior Year and I took Honors and AP classes. When I was in sixth grade I tried to play little league baseball and I failed horribly- I guess I’m no Hideki Matsui. For the longest time I thought I was going to become a doctor, but I grew up and realized that’s what my parents wanted. Again, how stereotypical is it for me to pursue a career in medicine or computer science. However that’s where the stereotypical things end.

Today I saw a rather funny comedy routine by a Korean comedian Esther Ku which really sums up my take on dating. While my family often asked if I would be interested in dating other Asians, my position is summed up in her words, “I don’t wanna date an Asian [girl]- I like regular people.” Regular people was a growing trend in my family, since I was born I’ve seen the majority of cousins marry outside my race. I now enjoy seeing my mixed second cousins at family functions. I’ve dated mostly white girls and it’s not because I’m against dating within my race- I just find myself attracted to other races the majority of the time.

So sure- sometimes I’ll throw up the peace sign and enjoy eating at Pho 75, but I sometimes also enjoy looking like a Prep, Wes Anderson movies, and very rarely- dating Asian Girls.

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Related posts:

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Tagged as: Asians, Feelings/Reflections, High School, My Dating Life

  • KPho

    This is too true. I myself and very much attracted to white men, and no Asians. Maybe it’s because we’re so white washed or exposed to so many while growing up. Tru’ dat.

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  • Anonymous

    Well, some possible explanations for your dating preferences:
    1) (The conservative one) You seem the rebellious type. Don’t wanna fit in the status-quo, just to not be in it. And I meant status-quo relative to what your family wants. A form of family rebellion.

    2) (The more liberal one) Preferences that were formed based on the environment you grew up in. Apparently, you spent a majority of your early years in a white place. The early years are when you just absorb and absorb everything and anything (baby-toddler years). So preference for white women could be reasonable by this.

    Could be either one. Could be both. Could be others. *shrug*

    • http://www.dmbosstone.com Patrick

      If you read my post earlier this year on why nobody wants to date me I think it’s the latter of the two reasons you stated. Good insights though- you called it.

  • http://twitter.com/jenahfah Jen Liu

    I have conflicted feelings towards being Chinese American. I really dislike Asian cliques, but love Asian food. I joke about Asian stereotypes with others all the time but always in a good humored way. In general, it seems like I show a lack of affinity towards my culture as some have pointed out. However, I have no idea what led people to think that? What does it mean for Asian Americans to be more in tune with their culture? Observing Lunar New year? Hanging out with more Asians? or learning to speak Chinese? The Asian American experience is so varied. My experience growing up as an Asian American might be different from yours, even though we may share the same Asian descent. As I’m getting older and meeting different groups of people, I think my identity keeps changing too. I’m still figuring out how I fit in this melting pot. Perhaps I don’t yet feel comfortable with this categorization of Asian American or don’t know exactly what it means and if there’s a responsibility behind it. I’m still figuring out what it means to embrace both the Asian and American culture and wonder if that at all is possible?

    • Anonymous

      I don’t like communism but I love Chinese food. I have a feeling that Asians often encounter this identity crisis a lot- compared to other races that have embraced their culture in different ways, Asians typically go into cliques or try and integrate with whites.

      I think that being an Asian American is different.

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