TMI Thursday: Beer, Bacon & Booty

This week’s recap is brought to you byTMI Thursday, a blog meme column by Live It, Love It.

I had ambitious plans this past Saturday. I wanted to run some errands around town and I had to get my geek on and prepare for my upcoming fantasy baseball drafts.

Well Friday night I get several e-mails, text messages, facebook notes, smoke signals, etc. about a “Kegs & Eggs” gathering at my friend’s house down the street. I wasn’t planning on drinking a lot of beer but I did want some eggs. So I replied to his text to show up the next day at 9 AM.

I arrived the next day around 10 AM and the scene was really chill: no eggs, no people. At first I suspected that it was going to be a quiet morning. I was wrong.

The door flew open and one of housemates came walking in with his girlfriend and a crowd of people. Next thing I know there’s bacon on the grill, games of beer pong were going in the front yard, and everyone is having a great time. I played a game of beer pong but it wasn’t til a group game of Kings erupted that my goals of productivity flew out the window. Then she came along.

She was tall and blonde, not the type I usually find myself with. As people went inside to enjoy some eggs and warmth she challenged me to a game of 1 on 1 beer pong. Next thing I know we are sitting on the porch and we somehow start talking about Internet videos- and she brings up 2 Girls 1 Cup.

“Wait, you’ve never seen 2 Girls 1 cup!?! You need to see it right now!”

That’s when I knew things were getting interesting.

She took my hand and dragged me back inside in search of a computer. The one downstairs had the blue screen of death and I began to explain how I really didn’t need to see the infamous video. I was feeling a little buzzed and I was trying not to kill that. She didn’t take no for an answer. She took me upstairs and like any teen movie you’ve seen- you know that when you go upstairs, something is going to happen.

Turns out a lot of things were already happening.

We ran into my friend upstairs who was excited to point out that another roommate was hooking up with another girl at the party. It explained the crowd around said roommate’s door. I found the booty paparazzi a little bit immature & random but so was the event that was about to happen.

We go into an empty bedroom and she tries to turn on the computer, maybe she really does want to show me porn.

When the computer boots up to a password protected login prompt I quipped that it looks like I won’t be seeing 2 Girls anytime soon.

That’s when she reaches over me and closes the door.

She steps towards me and as she put her arms around me I knew what came next.

In the words of Penelope Trunk, “it is a very good kiss, slow and soft, and a little bit wet.”

Time slowed down in that 15 second span, then it sped back up and things got a little hazy- which often happens during alcohol fueled endeavors such as this one.

There was a knock on the door.

I hear y friend’s voice- seeing how we both went in and have yet to come out, his curiosity was probably peaked.

I stop him from opening the door and lock it. I don’t need to become the next  victim of the paparazzi crowd outside, but I know my time is limited before full on announcements of hooking up are made.

We embrace and make-out for several more minutes, I fumble with my glasses and questioned my choice in not wearing contacts that morning. Of course I also figured I was only over for breakfast but it was now 1 PM and I’m having a little bit more fun.

She throws herself onto the bed and my head gets the better of me.

I do not want to hook up with her in my friend’s roommate’s bed- it’ll haunt me every time I’m over.

After some rolling around I lean into her ear and told her, “let’s take this somewhere else.”

She looks at me and asks, “well aren’t you coming with me to Shamrock Fest? All of us are.”

In fact this crazy Kegs & Eggs is a pre-game event for Shamrock Fest over at RFK, most of the crowd there were planning on going.

She doesn’t want to but we eventually are forced to cool it off with the hallway crowds getting more and more ansy. I felt like we were playing seven minutes in heaven with the entire party cheering. I start to think how much action was going on with two bedrooms occupied at that very moment.

We walk out of the room and re-join the party, that has moved on into my friend’s room. He looks on as our friends vandalize his facebook account and try to print out Shamrock Fest tickets on his printer. It would explain the weird wall posts from him later that day.

The crowd moves downstairs out of his room and we found ourselves alone in his room. As if a switch was flipped she throws herself onto his bed and propositions me one more time. After suggesting we perhaps not turn this into a traveling make-out show she proceeds downstairs. My friend re-enters his room and does what any friend should do in that situation, he offers me some protection.

Before going downstairs, I had the urge to empty out some of the beer I’ve been drinking. I exit my friend’s room and I go into the neighboring bathroom.

I am standing in front of the toilet admiring my piss when I hear a knock at the door. I turn around and see one of the housemates push the door open. Luckily the bathroom was laid out so I wasn’t facing the door in any obscene way.

As I shouted for the intruder to close the goddamn door I see him leave and push the blonde into the bathroom. He then proceeds to close the door.

After quickly zipping up my pants I ask WTF is going on. Her answer came in the form of another make-out session. (photo courtesy of Flickr user Crissy Teena)

We head back downstairs and I feel as if everyone’s eyes are on us, despite the reality that everyone was occupied with their own debauchery.

As we sit down on the couch her arm reaches around behind me. I take her shoulder and pull her head next to mine. She leans for a kiss but I’m a little hesitant, I’m not a fan of public displays of drunken affection so early in the day.

She was- after a couple of quick smooches so lays herself on the couch, wanting to take things a bit further- right in the middle of the packed living room. A housemate makes the keen observation that he thinks that girl wants me.

This situation needs to get out of this house because we are already getting out of hand.

She continues to convince me to go with her to Shamrock Fest. I don’t have tickets, I had other plans, and I didn’t feel like spending money to sit in the rain. I suggest that perhaps we should just hang out maybe walk back up the street to my place. She thinks it’s a wonderful idea. In fact she’s so eager to leave she waits for me on the porch without any shoes or socks on.

As I try and make an exit I am met by various roommates for their take on the situation:

“Dude you need to hit that man- she totally wants you!”

“Ya man do it- just don’t do it in my room.”

“Ya and don’t do it in my room either- do it in my brother’s room (his brother being the housemate I mentioned earlier- the one who already got some that day.)”

I don’t want to do it in anybody’s room, especially the room that was already used for sex.

Then out comes the line that changes everything.

“She’s a nice girl man, but I think she has a boyfriend or something.”

I walk over to her and offer her a glass of water, and I casually ask if she’s seeing anyone. She tells me no and stands by it after further questioning.

As I walk back to the guys I am met by her friends as the party prepares to leave for Shamrock Fest.

“I think you need to know she has a serious boyfriend.”

Well things are just shaping up great now.

The party quickly takes sides as guys take me into one room and the girls take her upstairs. All of a sudden I feel like I’m in the ring and I’m staring my opponent down. Except there really isn’t one, it’s clear that I should make a clean exit before things get potentially explosive.

Thanks to hours of drinking the advice I’m getting it questionable at best- some say that I should still hit that, others question if there really is a bf, I cannot believe what I’m hearing.

This is where I’d like to say that the answer to this situation was clear the moment I heard she had a boyfriend and lied to me about it. I need to walk away.

I grabbed a friend and former roommate who was enjoying watching all this unfold and told him to get me out of there.

I was met by the girls who wanted to let me know that “I did nothing wrong” and that “you are totally her type- if she didn’t have a boyfriend she would totally hook up with you” I don’t even know what to think of that as I get the hell out of one of the craziest morning parties I’ve been too.

We proceeded to get into my car and he drove us to Costco, to do the errands I originally wanted to get done.

I’m sure I did the right thing but I have to say things got way too dramatic way too fast. What is it about those situations that turns perfectly mature adults into gossiping 15 year olds?

Related posts:

1. Halloween
2. Vietnam Has A Beer?
3. TMI Thursday: A Messy Cab Ride
4. TMI Thursday: The Drunken Architect
5. NACA 2005: Day 3