The Single Life: 10 Reasons

by Patrick on April 10, 2009

The Age Of The Nice Guy: Let’s Do It.

When I first saw the title of Lilu’s latest post I knew I had to read it. For the longest time I considered myself a nice guy, and I never knew if that was bad or good. I’m totally in support of her plead to the women of the world to really consider that nice guy that you may look over- and I could only hope that her words change the minds of some of the women I meet.

However the post also got me thinking about a lot of gripes I have about dating, women, and probably myself.

What I’ve Learning About Dating (aka Why I’ll Never Get A Date Again)

  1. Trying to talk to girls at a bar sucks: Why do guys even try? You walk into a bar with your buddies and you got drinks, music, and if you are lucky, beautiful girls. Never can a place be a source of so much fun and so much rejection at the same time. Here’s the thing: the action of talking to any girl you don’t know in a bar is daunting because it’s very blatant action. If a guy walks up to a girl to talk to her- it’s 99.9% that he’s hitting on you. And that’s fine if the girl is into meeting people and interested in talking. But who can tell the difference between the girl that wants to talk to guys and the girl that wants to stick with their pack and in Dane Cook’s words, “just dance.” Guys put a lot on the line when they walk up to the girl, and it’s very easy for the girl to reject it and send him home crashing. If I know one thing I’ll never meet a girl in a bar (besides Carrie but that was a different story.)
  2. I don’t know if I could ever date a Blogger: As a blogger myself, I wonder what it would be like for two people that openly wrote on the Internet to date. Would they by spying on each other’s thoughts on their blog? How more/less stalkerish is it compared the usual Facebook stalking? Not really a grip but an interesting question that would bring up a lot of issues I’m sure.
  3. I don’t have the right look/personality/height: I’ve gone back and forth on this constantly. I don’t care what studies, survey, or polls say; it’s much easier to get in the door if you look good. Sure a personality may keep a girl longer but I often wonder what is it about how I look that’s not right. Sure I’m not 6′ and I don’t have a six-pack that’s not found in the fridge, but I think I’m damn funny sometimes but being funny doesn’t always convey across a bar while looking fantastic does. If a girl sees you across the room and thinks you look funny- that’s not a good thing. Unlike my next item I’ve tried to gain some sort of control over this so I can say I’ve tried my best under looks- but who knows if it’s enough?
  4. The X-Factor: Sometimes things happen beyond your exact control that ruins a date, relationship, life. You gotta realize it’s nothing you can control and move on. Did a emergency with a friend ruin that first date? Maybe it was raining when you went out on that picnic. Sometimes you have to deal with what you’re dealt.
  5. Sometimes Women Play The Race Card: Hey this one goes both ways- so I know I can’t complain but I’ll put it out there. I’ve seen this with a lot of the Internet dating that goes on that we get picky when it comes to race. Those that know me know that while I am not totally against dating other Asians- it’s a simply that I’m not attracted to most Asians- it’s a product of growing up in the whitest state ever. You’ll actually see that a lot that other Asians often don’t date within their race. I’m all for it. However it sucks when I see that cute girl actually pictures their ideal mate as average Joe white guy. I feel that I get rejected before I even get a chance. Does it make me wish I was white- I’ll have to let PostSecret answer that one.
  6. I don’t know if I should be happy my friends aren’t setting me up: Do my friends think I’m happy single or capable of meeting someone- or that it wouldn’t be a good idea that I date any of their friends?
  7. Does Internet dating make me look desperate?: I think I can answer this one no based on recent conversations.
  8. How many bridges am I willing to burn?: You know what I’m talking about, you are friends with someone you’d like to be more than friends with- but you don’t want to risk it all by letting them know how you feel. It’s not that I have anyone like that right now, but how about the new people you meet? Do you try and be friends with them first or otherwise? I wonder if I could still be friends with someone that knew I was hitting on them and got rejected.
  9. I Hate Games: Do you know why I love my friend Rebecca? Because she’s one of the most straight forward people I’ve met. I’d love to take her straight-forwardness and bring it to my dating life. I feel that I’m rather straight forward, now if only women could be…
  10. Never Just Do Movie & Dinner: I actually enjoy trying to come up with some sort of date that’s not typical and boring, maybe it’s just rearranging the order of the activities or putting some other spin on it, I think the dating process should be exciting and fun- not a cliche activity.

Ok that list is kind of a downer so I need to draw up this one…

Why You Should Totally Date Me (aka Why I Still Have Hope I’ll Get A Date)

To avoid gross inaccuracies about me I asked 11 girls that know me to suggest a reason:

  1. Melanie: you’re kind of a geek if you don’t mind my saying so. (this is a good thing.) I have always found “geeks” to be incredibly genuine.
  2. Rachel: Well you’re considerate. You walked me home, which is big points in my book. Of course you could have just trying to get lucky, but..
  3. Shannon: You are a sweet, caring, generous person. You knows how to make someone laugh, has killer dance moves, and will always hold the door for a lady. If you ever need DMB tickets he is the one to go too.
  4. Katie: You can take girls on fun dates: Wizards Games, Nationals Games… not the same old dinner and a movie.
  5. Stephanie: Reason number one: your license plate. But you also make people around feel comfortable no matter where you are or what you are doing, you make it a point to have fun and make sure those around you have fun.
  6. Emily: He’s awesome and always fun to hang out with.
  7. Carrie: You’re an exceptionally friendly and outgoing person. You have a dorky side but that’s something I think is fun about you. You’re a great writer and throw yourself into the things you like to do.
  8. Diana: You make a lot of money and have a big donger? That’s what most chicks go for. Well, you’re also smart and motivated and fun to be around so chicks dig that too.
  9. Laura M.: You like watching obscure movies on Netflix, you like going on late night drives,and  you make secret suprise birthday cookies. (Note: I cannot bake so please do not always expect Surprise Birthday cookies)
  10. Laura B.: I would date you because you give great hugs and knows how to treat a lady right.

So there you go- ten answers that should be sure to inflate my ego- but maybe there’s hope for me. I asked one more person for her answer:

Nicole: I think looks are important and you are lying if you say they don’t matter. So obviously I think you are a good looking guy, and once I got to know you a little better you became even more attractive to me. I’m honestly shocked that you don’t have a girlfriend, you are a great catch. Lucky for me! P.S. One week til I see you!

  • JustJP

    Dude, I feel you on the dating a blogger. I don’t know how that would go?

  • RachelSmiles

    i second all of the above comments. and you’re a great listener!

  • f.B

    This, “pictures their ideal mate as average Joe white guy. I feel that I get rejected before I even get a chance. Does it make me wish I was white…”

    …is just so perfect. Captures everything I thought as a person of color pretty much every single day when I was single. It just isn’t fair to have to even ask ourselves that question sometimes.

  • f.B

    Oh, right. And I gave you an award on my blog today.

  • LiLu

    I wouldn’t recommend dating a blogger… from what I’ve heard, it doesn’t usually end well…

    Glad I could inspire you, dear!

  • Patrick

    Just JP: Here’s the big point, you go out on that first date and then you wait at home for her to type the play-by-play. Kinda weird right?

    RachelSmiles: You are too kind to me.

    f.B: You totally know what I’m feeling man, I see the was in there so I have to assume somebody is out there listening to your free verse? I like your style and I’m glad I ran across your stuff.

    LiLu: You inspire me- and thousands of other bloggers. Maybe not thousands but definitely more than me.

  • Mike

    As a census geographer, Massachusetts is definitely not the whitest state in the union…but our hometown for sure was probably as white as suburbia can get…however, if you traveled 10 mins north, then that’s a whole different story.

  • D.M.P.

    Funny, but this weekend alone I’ve had conversations with guys that hit on points 1 and 7 and had to deal with a 8 with a guy friend I recently met… :p

    And so many people blog nowadays, I doubt you can get away with not dating a blogger.

  • NoticedFromNorthwest

    Regarding point #2, I could date a blogger but not someone who blogs about their personal life. I don’t put mine out there, why on earth would I want someone else to do it for me by talking about our dates and whatnot? Important distinction, I think.

  • Patrick

    Mike- I can always count on your having the stats.

    D.M.P. – True I could probably date a Twitterer.

    NW- Ya maybe if I agreed to keep our relationship off the books. Sounds very mafia like.

  • Emily

    I am a woman who is direct with guys and it blows up in my face just about every time. Me being direct often gets interpreted as being too serious. It is very frustrating. And I have no problem dating Asian guys. I’ve dated a few.

  • Patrick


    It’s often said that Men are more direct and Women are more subtle, I am surprised to hear that guys aren’t refreshed by a woman who doesn’t play games. It is good to hear that there are a few open minded women out there.

    Thanks for reading!

  • Dazey

    On your list:
    #2. dating other bloggers….You know, i also thought about this, but in my case, as much as i’d like to gossip about my dates I don’t on my blog, because too many people I know read it, and either they already know, or it would make me look like a bad gossip. (Also, some of my family members read my blog, and they don’t have to know all the details that I could imagine putting on my blog.)

    #6 having your friends set you up…This one is unfair for me. I’ve set up a few relationships for my friends that have more or less all worked. And what do I get in return? Absolutely nothing. I have even embarrassingly and blatantly asked my friends to set me up with anyone they know…to no effect. I don’t care if my friends might know of someone I could date, but do not want to make the whole “friends dating friends of friends” thing awkward, because it’s totally been awkward on my end when my friends are on that end.

    #8. I am actually friends with a bunch of guys I’d love to date. But I have concluded that I value my friendships way too much to make my contact with them awkward or (worse) non-existent. It stinks, because it’s one of those unfortunate things I have just grown to accept…that i will always have a crush on someone and that nothing will become of it.

  • Patrick

    Dazey: In regards to #2 you got some good reasons not to talk about it, I’m rather confident my parents have no idea how to work an internet browser however I also feel like holding back sometime in order to give things an honest chance….

    Sounds like you are a good matchmaker- we should talk about that. But it does suck when you try and help your friends out and it feels like you are getting nothing in return. When it comes to love however, it’s nothing something that can easily be reciprocated.

    In regards to the last point- I kinda wonder if people reach a point where they just say fuck it and start taking chances… I believe it’s been said that sometimes, “you are done making friends.”

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