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“I had an amazing time in DC and really sad to be leaving. It was a cutesy and romantical weekend. We are planning to see each other in June and hopefully he’ll be able to plan a trip to NC. I think things may be different between us if we lived a little bit closer together, it’s a little bit fun to think about..but who knows. He is such a great guy and I really like him a lot.”
She’s right- we are nice to think about, I really like her a lot and I want to see her again. However we are still back at square one: she’s in Massachusetts and I’m here. She’ll soon be in North Carolina and I’ll still be here. She’s committed to living in NC for a year but she’s open to anything after that. As my friend Katie says, the timing is all wrong.
We never saw each other again in June. I am not planning a trip to North Carolina.
That was the end of a post, a post I never published. I wrote this after a weekend in April and I was wary on airing out my thoughts on someone I was currently interested in. That’s backfired on me before.
After some consultation I decided to scrap the post. This week I dug up, “the lost post” as I try to put some closure on yet another female love interest.
I was driving my friend Diana home this past weekend and she told me a story of two friends in Canada. They’ve been in a long standing relationship but the couple decided to split. Diana expressed to me her displeasure in the fact they are now dating other people.
“He was supposed to wait for her,” Diana said as we drove through Alexandria, “they are supposed to get back together!”
It wasn’t the happily ever after story that she (and the world) envisioned.
I want to say, “I want you to wait for me.” But wait til when? For what?
What we shared wasn’t a relationship spanning years; what we shared was a weekend here and a weekend there. However the dream of a happily ever after still existed for me as it probably did for Diana’s friend.
That girl didn’t wait for me and I don’t blame her.
We were nothing but a pipe dream, something to keep me going, a hope that maybe I found somebody that made me happy. She did make me happy, but only in small moments, far and few between. Looking back I know something was there, she’ll never know how she lingered in my head, even when I met somebody else.
For those weekends I had a chance to know what it was like. What it was like to wake up next to someone and smile; what it was like to have a lady to dote on; to have somebody to hold hands with down the street.
Like a dream, I suppose I always viewed her in the best possible light. Like a dream she represents much more than is actually there. Like a dream she gave me hope when the chips were down.
I cannot blame her for the choices she’s made and the direction she’s gone. It would be too narrow-minded to think like that.
She was a dream, a crush, a lovely vision that existed mostly in my head.
It’s time to wake up.
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These are the things that make life worth living, that makes the journey interesting, my dear. They’re not always good, but they are important.
LiLu´s last blog ..I Want to Meet You! And Friday Funsies
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Patrick Reply:
August 1st, 2009 at 1:00 pm
Wise words my friend.
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I feel your pain, my friend. Sometimes life is a Crush Story.
ajw_93´s last blog ..Always Something There To Remind Me
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Patrick Reply:
August 1st, 2009 at 1:00 pm
I should just have a crush on life,less the people in it.
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Hubster and I were in a MD/NC long distance relationship for *years*. Pain in the ass to make it work but it was well worth it in the long run. Just sayin’… if you’re still thinking about her maybe there’s a reason.
lacochran´s last blog .."Whatta man, whatta man, whatta man, whatta mighty good man"–Salt N Pepa
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Patrick Reply:
August 1st, 2009 at 1:03 pm
I don’t think of her as much anymore, I’ve given up and she’s no longer lingering. I’m glad to hear a long distance relationship that’s worked- I don’t think with the kind of girl she is that such a LTR would be a good idea. I think I’m over her now, but I wanted to wait for some time to write this post to distance myself from immediate feelings- but rather a look back as I close the chapter.
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First of all, this is really good writing.
Second of all, this sucks. I know. This happened to me a few months ago when I re-fell for an ex-boyfriend. Worst part? I was the one who broke up with him. I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I loved him and how much I had messed up my one chance with him.
Don’t worry, the feelings will fade with time.
Taylor´s last blog ..Relax & Take it Easy…It’s Friday!
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Patrick Reply:
August 1st, 2009 at 1:05 pm
Taylor, thanks for reading! I’m not the writer in the Pho family but I appreciate your complement.
You are right about feelings fading with time, I don’t think I missed up my one chance at all, I just think there was never a long term hope with this girl. Kinda makes me wonder why I wanted her down here for a weekend in the first place.
Maybe it’s because I wanted to be happy- even if it was for a moment.
Maybe I’m more selfish than I think.
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Sometimes the fantasies we come up with in our heads about people are better than the real thing.
Jaime | Fast Times´s last blog ..I LOVE…Fridays
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Patrick Reply:
August 4th, 2009 at 12:04 am
That’s exactly what I think Jamie when I think about why I’m really not into this girl as much as I thought I may have been.
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man, that’s rough, when you allow yourself to start seeing a future with someone who, turns out, you don’t get a chance at a future with.
Alice´s last blog ..it’s probably only TMI because i mention The Sex
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Patrick Reply:
August 4th, 2009 at 12:04 am
Ya I saw myself thinking two steps ahead when I realized I’ve already hit a wall.
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yeah, i can attest through personal experience that LD is hard … even if you are fairly certain that that person is your one and only and your soulmate … if that kind of relationship isn’t there to back it up, i don’t think the commitment and “hope” that someday you will be together is really enough to justify that kind of effort.
just my thoughts,
T
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Patrick Reply:
August 4th, 2009 at 12:05 am
T, your thoughts are always appreciated and is pretty much why I had to make a hard choice.
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This is sad, I had a few experiences like this and it doesn’t always happen when I travel someplace far, sometimes it even happens in my own city. People meet, spend a weekend together, then never see each other again. Sad, is all I can say.
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I’ve had the opposite happen to me, I kept thinking of a girl in the midwest after a weekend together. However I convinced myself out of it again and now she’s engaged.
I don’t think of it as sad, just another stop along the journey of love.
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