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“I had an amazing time in DC and really sad to be leaving. It was a cutesy and romantical weekend. We are planning to see each other in June and hopefully he’ll be able to plan a trip to NC. I think things may be different between us if we lived a little bit closer together, it’s a little bit fun to think about..but who knows. He is such a great guy and I really like him a lot.”
She’s right- we are nice to think about, I really like her a lot and I want to see her again. However we are still back at square one: she’s in Massachusetts and I’m here. She’ll soon be in North Carolina and I’ll still be here. She’s committed to living in NC for a year but she’s open to anything after that. As my friend Katie says, the timing is all wrong.
We never saw each other again in June. I am not planning a trip to North Carolina.
That was the end of a post, a post I never published. I wrote this after a weekend in April and I was wary on airing out my thoughts on someone I was currently interested in. That’s backfired on me before.
After some consultation I decided to scrap the post. This week I dug up, “the lost post” as I try to put some closure on yet another female love interest.
I was driving my friend Diana home this past weekend and she told me a story of two friends in Canada. They’ve been in a long standing relationship but the couple decided to split. Diana expressed to me her displeasure in the fact they are now dating other people.
“He was supposed to wait for her,” Diana said as we drove through Alexandria, “they are supposed to get back together!”
It wasn’t the happily ever after story that she (and the world) envisioned.
I want to say, “I want you to wait for me.” But wait til when? For what?
What we shared wasn’t a relationship spanning years; what we shared was a weekend here and a weekend there. However the dream of a happily ever after still existed for me as it probably did for Diana’s friend.
That girl didn’t wait for me and I don’t blame her.
We were nothing but a pipe dream, something to keep me going, a hope that maybe I found somebody that made me happy. She did make me happy, but only in small moments, far and few between. Looking back I know something was there, she’ll never know how she lingered in my head, even when I met somebody else.
For those weekends I had a chance to know what it was like. What it was like to wake up next to someone and smile; what it was like to have a lady to dote on; to have somebody to hold hands with down the street.
Like a dream, I suppose I always viewed her in the best possible light. Like a dream she represents much more than is actually there. Like a dream she gave me hope when the chips were down.
I cannot blame her for the choices she’s made and the direction she’s gone. It would be too narrow-minded to think like that.
She was a dream, a crush, a lovely vision that existed mostly in my head.
It’s time to wake up.
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