Thanks for reading Steve!

Of course that also makes me a banana.

The difference? Personality and upbringing.

When I have dated white guys, it’s because sometimes I got bored of the Asian guys who have the academic and professional credentials, but lack the ability to hold a decent conversation. Too many guys who are wannabe doctors, engineers, bankers, etc. I like guys who are driven (not just for money) and possess depth of thought. It took a while for me to realize my own values. Culturally, my parents raised me very Chinese: I know Hong Kong better than any other American city. I can speak, eat and be more “Chinese” than my other Chinese-American peers. But I’m a weird Asian who turned out to be average at math/science, went to a liberal arts college and majored in non-math/science things. I grew up having to fend for myself, rather than getting doted by my parents (and same for my brother, its not a gender thing). My parents didn’t force me to study just to study; they like the American liberal arts curriculum and the idea of developing outside interests. They appreciate music, arts, politics and culture which is why I grew up around D.C. So that’s why I have always been in-between with Asian/white guys. White guys don’t understand the cultural subtleties and I haven’t found the right Asian-American match. It pretty much sums down to personality and upbringing.

As for the male chauvinism: I haven’t (personally) experienced it. All the Asian guys that I have dated have been well-mannered and gentlemen, more so than the white guys. When I have dated Asians, the courting and dating process has been very straightforward. There’s not as much of the “he’s just not that into you” and Tucker Maxx nonsense. Maybe I’m just that selective and lucky.

BUT I can see that male chauvinism point, which is why I generally stay away from dating Korean-American guys because it’s been shared amongst other Asian-American females. Times are changing though, especially with China’s one-child-only policy. If you think parents have been doting little boys into ego maniacal men, wait until you see how doting little girls into materialistic princesses looks like…

Saw your tweet about this post today. Hey “hahahaha” – stay classy!

At any rate, as you may recall, I married a Chinese woman. American-born, but still in many respects physically and culturally Chinese. I’ve always been attracted to Asian women, but I’ve also noticed that a lot of American-born Asian women don’t get together with Asian men.

I was asking my wife about this last weekend. We stopped in to grab something to eat at a little Chinese place in Ashburn, and there was a couple in there, both Asian (not sure what country they were from, but they weren’t speaking Chinese. Then again, there was Thai on the menu of a place called “Hong Kong,” but I digress…) At any rate, dude was a real spoiled brat. Making all these exasperated faces and gestures at everything his girlfriend said, and she was very pretty and very sweet. You could just tell she was an incredibly nice person by the way she carried herself.

When I talked to my wife about it, she said that a big reason Asian women, at least, don’t want to be with Asian guys, is because of the male chauvinism of many Asian cultures. My wife grew up with two older brothers, and they could do no wrong. In the mean time, she was always treated like she had no idea what she was talking about, even though she had better ideas and the ability to back it up. One of her brothers in particular turned into a stark-raving egomaniac. (He even did the Dr. Evil trick of laughing at his own jokes, maniacally, for long periods of time. Except it wasn’t for comic effect.)

Since I know you personally, I can’t say that I’ve ever sensed that you had your head filled with “you’re our boy so the world revolves around you” nonsense, but it’s certainly prevalent in Asian cultures. With really tragic consequences. I can’t help wondering how much these cultural attitudes espoused by many Asian men might influence the opposite sex in a country where women are treated very, very differently.

For my part, I have three sons. I see their Asian physical characteristics and I love that about them. I think they’re great looking kids. I’m don’t buy that I’m just biased because I’m their dad.