The Quarter Life Crisis Series: The Fast Starters

by Patrick on June 8, 2010

What happens to life after college? For so many of us it’s a time where we don’t know exactly where we are going or heading. Friends get engaged, married, and pregnant while we wonder if life is passing us by faster than we thought. We worry about finding jobs and wonder where to go in our careers once we do find that first gig. In short, the Quarterlife crisis is where we stop being kids and start being grown up.

For the next few days I’ll be hosting different perspectives on our post-college lives because even though we maybe going through times of personal growth and exploration- we aren’t doing it alone.

In celebration of my 1000th blog post I continue the Quarterlife Crisis series with the idea of the fast starter- and why I hear a clock ticking at 25.

Photo courtesy of Flickr user Pabo76

When was your first kiss? What was it like? Maybe it was at the end of a date or an awkward game played in a basement with other young teenagers. I bet you were somewhere under the age of 16- a normal range for most people right? Perhaps something that happened in middle school or in high school?

I was 18. And I am very ambivalent about it.

You can read about how it went down but there was nothing wrong about the actual moment- just when it happened.

Later than the typical person.

When it comes to women and dating I feel behind the eight ball. If it wasn’t for Becky and that time on the lake I could of graduated high school and never been kissed. That would of spelled death for a young awkward teenager like me.

My high school years were too much about extra-curriculars and not about dating girls. How would I survive in college if I didn’t know my way around women?

Somehow I did survive college. I caught up quick. However dating girls in college and dating girls in real life are two totally different games- and I graduated college without having once changed my relationship status on Facebook.

Sure a lot of people out there are single but at least they probably have had a girlfriend/boyfriend at one point in their life.

Last night I watched the film Paper Heart and couldn’t help but wonder if I am like Charlyne Yi’s character- an innocent young adult who doesn’t know what it is like to love .

There are others out there that have had better luck than me. You know these folks: the person who has been dating the high school/college sweetheart all throughout school and shortly got married before 25 and now own a house. These are the fast starters- those that speed through life. I discovered the term while reading Brazen Careerist and instantly clung on to it.

Sure Gen-Y is waiting longer to marry (if they decide to at all), but for me those that are the exception to the rule, the fast starters, are constant reminders that while some off and running- I don’t even have my shoes on yet.

When I think about my dating life I feel the pressure of trying to catch-up on my dating experience. Am I looking for a wife and family now? Definitely not- but sometimes I wish I was a bit more experienced in the game than I am now.

I am 26 and I never had a girlfriend. There are so many great things I have done with my blogging career, my professional career, even my theatre career yet I feel like I haven’t even started when I think about my dating life.

As my co-worker/friend Meggiepoo would say, “The pity party ended last night.” I’m believe that like with everything else in my life, I can get what I want through hard work and dedication.

However love is one of those games that is more about serendipity than effort.

Maybe I’d feel better if I didn’t feel like the person running at the rear of the pack.

Do you know a fast starter in life? How has it changed your Quarterlife Crisis?

Related posts:

  1. The Quarterlife Crisis Series: Quarter Life Crisis Averted: Setting Boundaries & Figuring Out Who You Are
  2. The Quarter Life Crisis Series: Andrew Weitsman
  3. The Quarter Life Crisis Series: Remember to Breathe
  4. The Quarterlife Crisis Series: The Other Quarter Life Crisis (Kelly Gurnett)
  5. The Quarterlife Crisis Series: P.Q.

Tagged as: Gen-Y, My Dating Life, Quarterlife Crisis

  • http://boyfriendchallenged.blogspot.com/search/label/Music%20Monday Heather

    Heather, here. Your new friend from 20sb. I really like your insight into your quarter-life “crises” because I relate to it.

    You know what? I’ve never been in a relationship either. I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’m 23 and I’ve been through college and high school yet it just never happened. I used to let myself get really upset about it. I felt like you did, behind… losing out, lost.

    It took me a LONG time to get where I am now. I owe a lot of my therapy to my blog where I’ve been able to work through a lot of my feelings on the subject. But, ultimately, I just got burnt out on trying so damn hard. Date after date I just kept running into brick walls. Rejection, confusion, frustration, dishonesty, carelessness. I’d had enough. I was letting it turn me into a bitter, self-depricating human being. Ultimately, I found that I needed to find myself and learn how to love ME before I could ask anyone else to. It wasn’t working out because I was trying to attach myself to other people and was expecting them to complete this puzzle that I felt had gone too long unsolved. I wasn’t going to work so hard for something that I wasn’t mature or grown-up enough to understand. I had to find myself and I realized that once I was satisfied with myself and my life, on my own terms, then the rest would all come easy to me. So, maybe I’ll be 28 or 35. I don’t care. At least I’ll have done something for myself. That makes me so much happier for the one who comes along to add on to my life’s happiness.

    I feel that there is so much out there in the world and there are so many people to meet. I KNOW that the time will come and so what? We’re a little inexperienced. But the right person is going to teach us slow-pokes things with love, patience, and understanding. It won’t matter where we have or haven’t been… because all that’s ahead is the future and what you make of it… together.

    Our current crisis will resolve itself once the right puzzle piece comes along to complete the picture. So don’t feel like the person running in the back in gym class. I’m right there with you, understanding how you’re feeling. Besides, I never finished my mile “run” in less than 10 minutes, anyway. It’s too late now to try to catch up! Take your time, enjoy the scenery. It’s a great view!

  • http://www.dmbosstone.com Patrick

    Thanks Heather- I’ve been working recently to concentrate on my own personal life and I think I’ve been really successful with blogging and other things. Occasionally I look at where I’m not successful and wonder how I can improve that.

    I really hope things figure themselves out by the time I’m 30- before I become a freak of nature :-)

  • http://pityparty.com Meghan

    Hey Pdizzle – you can do it! No more pity!

    • http://www.dmbosstone.com Patrick

      Alright, I’ll do it.

  • http://yourstrulyh.blogspot.com Holly

    Dear Goodness…I feel you! My current husband was actually my first “real” boyfriend and the first boy I kissed more than once…haha! Honestly, i wouldn’t have it any other way. When it is all said and done, it will all pan out for you in the end, I’m sure. Right now, I am feeling the “baby push” from a few outsiders who shall remain nameless. Yikes. Kids, like marriage are so permanent. Once you do it, you can NEVER take it back. It really has to be a commitment you are willing to make. Take your time. Enjoy the awesome career/life you seem to have made for yourself. Thanks for such an honest post. Not feeling so alone! Best of luck- H yoursturlyh@blogspot.com

    • http://www.dmbosstone.com Patrick

      Thanks H, sometimes we rush ourselves to such permanent decisions like marriage is because it’s stable and it’s “the next move” later on we may realized perhaps it wasn’t what we really wanted. Not at every marriage I’ve seen in my young years is doomed but it certainly explains how some won’t last as long as others.

  • Jen

    That was a very honest and refreshing post. Thanks for sharing. I’m 28 and haven’t been in a a serious relationship. I consider myself a late bloomer and inexperienced when it comes down to love and yet I try not to let that make me feel less deserving of love. I believe it is possible to find love and be successful and not to sacrifice one for the other. Nor is there a certain path to ‘achieve’ either goal. It’s so funny how we feel the need to live up to these societal norms when we’re all in unique situations. Can’t predict when your soulmate will show up or when a job opportunity will come up. But I’m learning I have to put myself out there to give myself the chance for those opportunities.

    • http://www.dmbosstone.com Patrick

      Thanks for sharing with me Jen, I definitely feel like a late bloomer and not that I am less deserving of love like anybody else, sometimes I’m afraid I just don’t know what I’m doing when it comes to the whole dating situation and it puts me at a disadvantage if I meet someone that kinda knows a bit more than me.

      Congrats on learning to face it with your head held high!

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